Restaurant Review-Bastard

Bastard September 2010

People kept asking me if I had yet to Bastard, Malmö’s new name in town that began by specializing in the odds and ends of the animal, trotters, cheeks, livers, kidney’s… While I was curious I have stayed clear of the odds and ends for the most part. I have tried chicken feet the once, utter waste of skin and bones. I have unwittingly eaten a spoon fish and then spit it out. I am not sure if you can eat an odd or an end of a spoon fish, but… Sea urchin done not doing that again. Liver at Broman’s tasty. But, I have this theory. Eating a filtering organ just shouldn’t be good for you, I mean it  cleans the funk out of blood. Yes, I know you treat the odd or the end in a certain way to pull all the ick out, but still.

Also in my snobby little way I can’t help but notice that using all parts of the animal is now IN STYLE. Just another fad flying through the culinary world like ruccola in the 90’s. So, it took me until Thursday past and a few recommendations to get me on the premises.

First off I love the location. Stepping through the door was like stepping into Northern California, San Fransico or Sacramento. Gold Rush and eclectic. Then came the service, impeccable. If you’re wondering what it is we American’s are always longing for and complaining about, go to Bastard. This is the service we tip for. And now the food. It all sounded and looked really good, even the venison liver. But, the odds and ends of the liver didn’t really seem exotic enough to break my rule, so I made a huge mistake. I ordered the fish. I should know better, you don’t order chicken in a steak house you order the steak. The toasted hazzle nuts and the salted beets were gorgeous, but the fish. Not at all. It was completely tasteless white fish. What it needed was a small drizzle of something extra to give that very needed final touch. Something a bit salty and contrasting in flavor to the beets.

Our foody friend Christian was also a bit non-plussed by his duck. It was too dry. But the potato salad was much loved. Just to rub it in our face The Man was practically jumping up and down and clapping his hands. He loved his pork and yellow lentils. Of the three of us he definitely made the more interesting choice. I had a couple mouthfuls and couldn’t help, but notice while it was good it did remind me of the way “American” firecrackers smell when they are burned out.

Don’t even try and say, how do you know what a firecracker tastes like have you eaten one? NO I HAVE NOT. Nor have I eaten from a cat box. Doesn’t stop me from thinking those hard, black Swedish candy favorites covered in brown ammonia dusts taste like what a cat box would taste. Look if you can give a whiff and say, mmm that smells good is there rosemary in that stew. Then you can sure as heck taste something and tell a person which smell the taste reminds you of. OKAY!

Conclusion. I will be going back again without a doubt. I loved the place, I loved the service even more! Next time though I am going to go for their speciality an odd or an end, preferably the one that will grow the most hair on my chest. And if that fails I will just stick to their very lovely drinks. In particular the Italian white, the best white I have had in Sweden.

FOOD ♥♥ with potential, The Man says ♥♥♥♥

SERVICE ♥♥♥♥♥ Service as it should be!


PRICE Food ♥♥♥♥ Drinks ♥♥♥♥


Mäster Johansgatan 11
211 21 MALMÖ, Sweden
040-12 13 18